5.5 Writing Process: Focusing on the Angle of Your Subject

Heaven Is in Toad Frog Alley

student sample textThe realm of physical film, if not already dead, is dying. More so than decaying cellulose, the entire medium as an art form is declining. According to The Guardian, DVD and Blu-Ray sales were down this past holiday over 30% each (Sweney). Some say that streaming services and on-demand viewing are the culprits. Whatever the case, the answer is not so simple, and the notion is very alarming. underlineThe decrease in relevance of physical media is no secret. Mass closures of video rental powerhouses such as Blockbuster Video and Movie Gallery began at the turn of the decade.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textThe original sentence read: underlineIt is no secret that physical media has been on the decline, especially with the mass closures of video rental powerhouses such as Blockbuster Video and Movie Gallery near the beginning of the decade.end underline This example demonstrates a pattern throughout the revised draft in which Byrd broke apart some of his longer sentences and improved their wording. Notice that he changes tense in the last sentence for a reason: the trend is happening now, but video rental stores began closing in the past.end annotated text

student sample textThough the memory lives on in millennial nostalgia, the world of physical movie sales is not completely irrelevant. Many of the large rental chains have since closed down, but beyond the major highways is an all-but-forgotten world of local video stores. In my home state, one store in particular, called Toad Frog Alley Videos, lives in that world, located in the small town of Cleveland, Alabama. I had the privilege of visiting the store and speaking with its owner, Kandy Little, about her experiences operating in a time when physical media is scarce. Through my visit and conversation, I have come to appreciate the importance of Toad Frog Alley Videos. I truly believe that the store provides a crucial and important service to its community, as well as highlights the nature of physical film and the need for preservation.end student sample text

annotated textIn this introductory paragraph, Byrd establishes the stakes for his profile subject, offering both background and context for understanding the video store’s importance to its community. He also makes some editing and proofreading changes to strengthen the draft and presents his main point, or thesis, here at the end of the introduction.end annotated text

student sample textMiles off of I-65, a major Alabama interstate, Toad Frog Alley stands, an almost well-kept secret. The idea of such a welcoming business being hidden saddened me—and still does—but in turn gave the illusion of adventure. underlineDriving through winding county roads to get there, I could feel the world almost disappearing into unexplored territory.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineThere is a moment, winding through country roads, where the world seems to disappear into unexplored territory.end underline Byrd corrected the sentence to get rid of a “there is” construction, a dangling modifier, and inconsistent verb tenses.end annotated text

student sample textSuddenly, there were no street names, no lines on the pavement, and sometimes no pavement at all. At the end of one of these “not much of a road” roads underlinestoodend underline Toad Frog Alley Videos.end student sample text

annotated textByrd changed the underlined verb from underlineisend underline to underlinestandsend underline for a more vivid verb. He then changed it to the past tense to maintain consistency with the verbs he uses in relating his visit to the store.end annotated text

student sample textMy first impression stepping inside was awe. underlineShelves lining the walls reached from floor to ceiling, each packed full of titles, perfectly alphabetized and separated by genre.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineLining the walls were shelves that reached from floor to ceiling. Each shelf was completely full of titles, which were perfectly alphabetized and separated by genre.end underline In this case, Byrd combined, rather than separated, sentences to avoid repetition, substitute more active verbs, and vary sentence structure.end annotated text

student sample textBetween the walls were standalone shelves, organized in the same fashion. I expected a kind of personal collection, but I felt as if I had actually traveled back in time to the major rental stores of old (or rather of ten years ago). To community members, the setup meant another option for Saturday night, but underlinefor a film lover like me,end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlinefor me, a film lover,end underlineend annotated text

student sample textthis place was heaven.end student sample text

annotated textIn the body of his draft, Byrd advances his thesis, drawing on information from each of the required types of sources.end annotated text

student sample textAfter my initial feelings, I was hit with a second wave, one that can only be described as abysmal. At the front of the store was a counter, being worked by one employee. The register was clunky and archaic, underlinewhich madeend underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlinesomething that makesend underlineend annotated text

student sample texta public library look like the headquarters of Google. In the center of the store was a foldable table that read “FOR SALE.” underlineOn the table lay DVDs, either damaged or unwanted, strewn about with no rhyme or reason.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineThe table was filled with DVDs, some damaged and some unwanted, strewn about with no rhyme or reason like the rest of the store.end underlineend annotated text

student sample textAside from me, there was only one patron, a middle-aged woman, shopping as if she had been there before but did not know what she wanted. I started to become depressed. underlineI was not sure exactly what I had imagined, but I knew this place was nowhere close. I had convinced myself I was on a journey to find the “last great video store,” an oasis of film, flowing with patrons renting Milk and American Honey.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineI did not know what exactly I had imagined, but with my passion for physical film and rental stores alike, I had convinced myself I was on a journey to find the “last great video store,” an oasis of film, flowing with patrons rentingend underline underlineMilk and American Honey.end underline This sentence is another example in which Byrd broke a longer sentence apart and polished the wording.end annotated text

student sample textunderlineOnly whenend underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineIt was not untilend underlineend annotated text

student sample textI took a breath and began looking around was I able to see Toad Frog Valley for what underlinethe storeend underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineitend underlineend annotated text

student sample textwas. underlineEvery blank wall space featured posters, equally sporting Oscar winners and underground art-house films.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textThis sentence provides a solid example of revising a “there were” or “there are” sentence construction; the original read: underlineThere were posters on every blank wall space, not just of each year’s Oscar winner, but underground art-house films as well.end underlineend annotated text

student sample textThe endcaps of each standalone shelf were filled with underlinetop picks, recent releases, or staff choices.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textHere, Byrd revises for varied word choice; the original read: underlinetop picks, recent releases, or staff picks.end underlineend annotated text

student sample textA television in the corner softly played a film of the employee’s choice. underlineToad Frog Alleyend underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineThisend underlineend annotated text

student sample textmay not have been the perfect haven for cinephiles and collectors that I had hoped, but it showed an undeniable element of care. The store was something of a museum, one that lets people borrow the items they love. I left with a smile on my face and a movie in my hand.end student sample text

student sample textunderlineI want to believe that everyone has experienced a similar video store moment. If that were true, though, why did so many close in the first place?end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineI want to believe that if everyone could experience a moment of awe in a video store, then the demand would resurface, but if that were true, why did so many close in the first place?end underlineend annotated text

student sample textWhy also are stores like Toad Frog Alley still operating? Back in 2010, when rental chains were beginning to close doors indefinitely, many entertainment news sites noticed a trend. Among them was The Hollywood Reporter, which noted that over 35% of independent video stores had tanning beds. They reported the trend, saying, “[Independents] use every niche they can think of to survive and be respected in their communities” (Bond). While tanning beds may look like the supplemental savior for many locally owned stores, underlinethis notionend underlineend student sample text

annotated textHere, Byrd defines the word this by inserting the word notion.end annotated text

student sample textis not necessarily the case, says Kandy Little. Kandy is the owner of Toad Frog Valley Video Store and has been since 1995.end student sample text

annotated textThe tense shifts to present when Kandy Little is discussed but returns to the past when Byrd relates her background.end annotated text

student sample textIronically, Kandy bought a tanning salon in hopes of opening a video store. At the time, there was a much higher demand for rentals in almost every community, and Toad Frog Alley was no exception. Though she admits tanning has increased over the years (with rentals, of course, declining), to Kandy, tanning was not the savior. “[Toad Frog Alley Videos] is still open because I work it myself most of the time,” she says. “No one else will take care of your business as well as you do.” With an inventory of over 5,000 films, Kandy believes that physical media is important for her community. Local business is important for creating jobs and city revenue, and Kandy provides both through her love of movies.end student sample text

student sample textEven though Toad Frog Alley is doing well, the scarcity of rental stores is something to consider. In the digital age, media is accessible to practically everyone. Streaming services such as Netflix and Hulu have made media available for viewers without requiring them to leave their homes. underlineFor physical rentals,end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineAs far as physical rentals go,end underlineend annotated text

student sample textnationwide kiosks called Redbox are set up in major grocery stores and pharmacies. underlineIn largely populated areas, these services have contributed to the downfall of video stores. In small towns across the country, however, many stores like Toad Frog Alley are still alive.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineIn largely populated areas, these services have contributed to the downfall of video stores, but in rural America, many stores like Toad Frog Alley are still alive.end underline This revision heightens the contrast between populated areas and small towns.end annotated text

student sample textIn 2018, the Harvard Political Review looked into why rural areas are struggling socioeconomically. The research concluded that the problem comes from the inability to keep the attention of a younger generation. underlineThe idea of the “American Dream” is largely accompanied by main streets, small towns, and mom-and-pop shops. Unfortunately, countryside communities are suffering, despite featuring many of these elements.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineThough the idea of the “American Dream” is largely accompanied by main streets, small towns, and mom-and-pop shops, rural communities have seen drastic population decreases even while holding many of these.end underline The revision breaks the original sentence apart and makes stronger, clearer word choices.end annotated text

student sample textFarming, a large majority of pastoral industry, has become increasingly mechanized with technological advancement. On top of that, failing education and inadequate healthcare in underfunded areas have contributed to population loss as well. Many young people are unwilling to live underlinein rural America,end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlinein these rural areas,end underlineend annotated text

student sample textand thus jobsend student sample text

annotated textDeleted: underline, one of the largest incentives in most communities,end underlineend annotated text

student sample texthave become scarce. The Review states that “ultimately, the only way citizens will be attracted to small towns is if the quality of life is attractive and sustainable… [but] the growing demand of the U.S. economy will continue drawing people toward… [a] quality of life often deemed synonymous with urban living” (Elkadi). This cycle leaves many rural settings unappealing, not only to residents but also to businesses like Internet providers. In many cases, rural areas are deemed unprofitable for modern services. Descriptions so negative contribute to the lack of digital services available to communities. underlineBusinessesend underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineStoresend underlineend annotated text

student sample textsuch as Toad Frog Alley thus provide a necessary service for a town that may have little access to digital content.end student sample text

student sample textunderlineAll of these factors raiseend underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineThis raisesend underlineend annotated text

student sample texta question: Is physical media doomed to a state of limbo in rural communities? Some believe film was meant to die, and should. Following the controversial shutdown of the “classic films” streaming service FilmStruck, Professor Katherine Groo shared a perspective in The Washington Post: “The collapse of FilmStruck might go some way toward reminding us of the fundamental virtuality [sic] of film and film spectatorship” (Groo). Groo goes so far as to ask “whether [FilmStruck’s catalog listings] are the works we need to rescreen or urge others to discover.” underlineGroo does not lament the death of FilmStruck as film “erosion” or “erasure.”end underlineend student sample text

annotated textIn the original, the previous sentence occurred later in the paragraph; Byrd moved it here in the revision to present the information in a way that made more sense for readers.end annotated text

student sample textShe mentions different film archives, like the Library of Congress and Kanopy, doing open-access experimentation, but overlooks an important factor. Groo asserts that only the privileged are able to access a paid service, but she neglects rural areas and others that cannot access archives, paid or free.end student sample text

annotated textDeleted: underlineFor people like Kandy Little,end underlineend annotated text

student sample textToad Frog Alley remains important for the enjoyment and education of people in the town that film provides. As technology keeps progressing, archaic forms of media consumption are necessary for areas that do not yet have access to the new technologies. underlineKandy predicts this, and more, when asked about the digital age and the coexistence of physical and online media:end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineKandy predicts this, and more, when I asked her how she felt about the digital age, and the coexistence of physical and online media:end underlineend annotated text

student sample text“Studios are already giving exclusive rights to different cable companies. Once the avenues are spread out, customers will have to pay more for accessing media. The video store is here offering better prices and more media in one place.” To her, the transition back into physical media is only a matter of time.end student sample text

student sample textAs a proponent of physical media, I am thankful that Kandy and Toad Frog Alley exist. underlineThough nothing is wrong with enjoying the luxuries of streaming, and digital film preservation is admirable, the market is becoming saturated. Saturated markets lead to higher prices and necessitate multiple subscriptions just to access desired films.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textOriginal: underlineThough it is not wrong to enjoy the luxuries of streaming, and digital film preservation is admirable, the market is becoming saturated, which leads to higher prices and necessitates multiple subscriptions just to access desired films.end underlineend annotated text

student sample textThough people in rural communities are still able to rent videos, they would be left behind in the case of film becoming solely digital. underlineVideo stores provide important business and atmosphere to communities. Even though digitizing film is more affordable and accessible to many people, it may not be what is best for both films and consumers.end underlineend student sample text

annotated textIn the original, these sentences were combined with underline, and.end underlineend annotated text

student sample textFor those like me, with a passion for film, the only reciprocity for the love that video stores instill is to show love in the form of support. As Kandy eloquently underlinesaidend underline at the end of our interview, “I really don’t have a favorite film. I just love films.”end student sample text

annotated textIn referring a past event while he narrates in the present tense, Byrd uses the past tense.end annotated text