4.1 Autonomy and Sense of Self in Infants and Toddlers

The Self and Others

When infants are born, they have no concept of self; they are unable to distinguish between who is “me” and who is not “me.” Their entire world is interconnected, and they are still discovering where they end and their caregiver or their surrounding environment begins (Fini et al., 2023).

One important step in discovering who they are is discovering what they have control over (Rosen, 2016). The sense of independence or freedom to control yourself and your actions is called autonomy. In the first few weeks of life, an infant may discover that they have complete autonomy over their ability to wiggle their arms and legs, but they don’t have control over whether their caregiver picks them up or feeds them. This awareness of the difference is the beginning of developing a sense of self (Guenther, 2022).

Infants also develop their awareness of the self versus others within their social experiences, beginning with interactions with their primary caregiver(s) (Erikson, 1968). Just as infants learn autonomy by discovering what they have control over, they are also discovering relatedness through their connections with others (Tamis-LeMonda et al., 2008). Caregiver interactions such as smiling, saying an infant’s name, and providing comfort and physical contact all help infants learn about their sense of self (Ross et al., 2017).

Cultural experiences with caregivers and others also play a role in shaping early autonomy and relatedness. For example, in many Western cultures, middle-class parents are more likely to encourage autonomy and a separate self, whereas non-Western middle-class parents are likely to focus more on social responsibility and the new family member’s role in the family (Keller, 2011, 2018).¹ One study showed that Japanese mothers temporarily living in the United States encouraged relatedness and shared experiences during play with their toddlers, while U.S. mothers emphasized autonomy (Dennis et al., 2002). Despite different styles of cultural and familial interactions, our sense of self and autonomy shows many similarities across cultures (Helwig, 2006).

As infants reach physical milestones such as being able to touch their feet, sit up, and crawl, they gain insight into themselves as someone distinct from others. As you learned in 3.4 Cognition and Memory in Infants and Toddlers, infants are also growing in their cognitive skills through circular reactions that allow them to better understand how they can influence their environment—from moving their body to manipulating objects (Piaget, 1954). These physical, social, and cognitive milestones all work collectively to give infants a sense of self, an awareness of self as different from others. Later in early childhood and beyond, this sense of self will grow into a self-concept as children’s cognitive development and self-awareness improve. At first, however, the self-concept is basic, containing very little information other than bodily control (Guenther, 2022).

Self-Recognition

Determining exactly when an infant has a sense of self, or self-awareness, is no easy task. After all, the sense of self is slowly developing alongside the infant’s cognitive and physical development and interactions with their caregivers. At the age of twelve months, the infant may know how to interact with a caregiver or manipulate a toy for entertainment, but the infant’s sense of self typically does not include their appearance. The reason is that infants lack self-recognition, the ability to recognize and be aware of themselves in reflective surfaces or photos (Figure 4.2) (Anderson, 1984). Researchers use a task involving a mirror to assess when infants acquire visual self-recognition, known as the mirror test (also, rouge test) (Lewis & Brooks-Gunn, 1979). In this test, a red mark is made on the infants’ nose without their being aware, and then they are placed in front of a mirror. Researchers then simply observe how the infant reacts, or does not react, to the red mark.

Figure 4.2 Toddlers are just learning visual self-recognition when they see themselves in the mirror. (credit: “IMG_0562” by Abigail Batchelder/Flickr, CC BY 2.0)

Before the age of eighteen months, most infants regard their reflection with either wariness or openness; the face is perceived as that of a stranger or potential playmate. In other words, they do not seem to notice the red mark. This indicates to researchers that their self-recognition is incomplete; they do not recognize their face. After eighteen months, most touch their nose, indicating a sense of self-awareness and self-recognition. These infants are indicating that they know their face and recognize it, and that red mark is not part of their self-awareness. Infants may meet these milestones, like many others, at various ages based on their experiences including environmental and social influences. For example, some research indicates that when mothers scaffold learning (such as by asking who is in the mirror), infants learn to recognize themselves earlier (Bard et al., 2006). Other research indicates that when parents engage in imitation (such as a parent imitating their toddler’s play behavior), infants also may learn self-recognition earlier (Cebioğlu & Broesch, 2021).

The mirror self-recognition test is a useful indication of emerging self-awareness in toddlers and fairly easy to try at home to learn more about a toddler’s experience of the world (Brandl, 2018; Suddendorf & Butler, 2013). Table 4.1 provides a detailed breakdown of the age-related changes assessed in this test. Even after recognizing themselves in a mirror, infants may not pick themselves out in group photos until they are about twenty-four months of age, indicating that self-awareness is still developing (Courage et al., 2004).

How does self-awareness develop if there are no mirrors? Ross and colleagues (2017) examined a group of eighteen-month-old infants in Scotland and Zambia, of whom 90 percent of Scottish but only 15 percent of Zambian infants had regular access to mirrors. Although the Scottish infants performed better on the mirror test, the Zambian infants performed significantly better on a body-as-obstacle test. Body-as-obstacle is the situation that occurs when our body position or placement interferes with our goals. In this test of self-awareness, infants were placed on a mat that needed to be moved; they needed to recognize that they must step off the mat before attempting to pull it. Acquiring self-recognition and self-awareness allows infants to explore and interact in their world much more fully, including being able to engage in pretend play and better communicate with others about their experiences (Lewis & Ramsay, 2004). Children likely show differences in the aspects of self-recognition they demonstrate based on their cultural and familial experiences. For example, some may acquire body awareness first, whereas others may acquire visual awareness first. Infants and toddlers also show self-awareness in other ways, such as by using personal pronouns (Courage et al., 2004). Each of these aspects of self-awareness develops in the first few years of life.

Gender Identity and Socialization

Understanding who we are requires knowing many facets of ourselves, our culture, and our abilities. One area of identity that begins to develop especially early in life is our gender identity. People commonly ask whether a new baby is a boy or a girl. Sometimes parents-to-be even “reveal” this and other details about their infant before birth, at gender-reveal parties. Actually, “gender reveal” is a misnomer, because what is being revealed is the baby’s biological sex, not their psychological gender identity.

An individual’s sex is often assigned at birth (or before) based on the presence of external genitalia or genetic testing (assigned female at birth, or assigned male at birth, AFAB and AMAB, respectively). Infants are typically classified as either male or female, but some are identified as having differences of sex development (DSD), which indicates their physical or biological characteristics are neither exclusively female nor exclusively male (Media et al., 2022; Sax, 2002). Although most females have two X chromosomes (XX) and most males have one X and one Y chromosome (XY), DSD individuals may have many other genetic combinations, prenatal hormonal expressions, and/or physical characteristics. (Refer to 2.1 Genetics and Environment for more information.)

As discussed in 1.4 Contexts and Settings of Development, gender identity is an individual’s psychological sense of their gender. Often, our gender identity is associated with our biological sex; many males identify as boys and men, and many females identify as girls and women. But that is not always the case. Understanding, recognizing, and identifying our own gender is a complex process that takes years to accomplish and often begins with gender socialization.

The process by which we are exposed to and learn gender roles and expectations in our culture is gender socialization. As soon as families know an infant’s biological sex, they often start to enforce gender stereotypes—societal expectations and assumptions based on an individual’s sex or gender identity. For example, infants’ clothes, toys, and blankets may be selected so that they reinforce gender stereotypes: pink ballerinas for girls and blue trucks for boys. Infants quickly learn these stereotypes; at twelve, eighteen, and twenty-four months of age, girls tend to look longer at photos of dolls than boys do, and boys tend to look longer at photos of trucks than girls do (Jadva et al., 2010; Serbin et al., 2001). A recent meta-analysis showed that boys preferred certain toys and girls preferred others, suggesting that girls and boys show similar levels of gender-related differences in toy preference, both for broad groups of toys and for dolls and vehicles specifically (Davis & Hines, 2020). The tendency to prefer gender-stereotyped toys also increased with the child’s age, indicating that gender socialization may increase gender-stereotyped play over time. Gender socialization comes from caregivers, peers, and media and often begins before an infant is even born, sometimes without awareness or intent (Figure 4.3).

Figure 4.3 Gender socialization begins shortly after birth and includes the way caregivers select clothing and accessories for young infants. (credit a: “Tutu” by Corinna Dibble/Flickr, CC BY 4.0; credit b: “Baby Boy” by Sarah Evans/Flickr, CC BY 4.0)

But gender stereotypes go beyond toy selection. Parents of girls tend to perceive them as more delicate and handle them with a soft touch, whereas parents of boys tend to perceive them as strong and use a firmer and more energetic touch (Stepakoff & Beebe, 2023; Stern & Hildebrant-Karraker, 1989). Parents also differ in the types of vocalizations, conversation style, eye contact, and play behavior they initiate with infant girls and boys (Morawska, 2020). Finally, parents may enforce gender stereotypes by rewarding infants when they conform to gendered expectations (Caldera et al. 1989; Stacey, 2021). However, other studies have shown that these gender differences in toy preferences are not always present. In a study of six- to twenty-month-old infants in Australia, infant toy preferences were based on a range of factors beyond gender, including parental attitudes, past toy exposure, and whether the toy was moved or was stationary (Liu et al., 2020). Parents who show gendered preferences in the toys they expose children to likely increase gender-stereotyped play, whereas parents who encourage a wider range of toy types may have infants who do not show gender-stereotyped toy preferences.

Parents may also begin to encourage different learning skills, such as by engaging in more scientific conversations with boy children (Crowley et al., 2001). Strangers, teachers, and others also reinforce these stereotypes. Multiple studies have found that the simple act of changing infants’ gender-stereotyped clothing can alter the way adults play and talk with them (Frisch, 1977; Shakin et al., 1985). In conclusion, children learn gender roles and stereotypes in society through socialization (Leaper & Friedman, 2007). However, parents show great variability in their own gendered expectations. For example, a study of expectant parents in Germany found that fathers were more likely than mothers to have gendered beliefs about their future baby, such as believing their female baby would be soft spoken, whereas a male baby would be assertive (Imhoff & Hoffman, 2023).

Intersections and Contexts

Gender, Culture, and Media

Gender socialization and stereotypes vary around the world. Although boys and masculinity have classically been associated with power and dominance and girls and femininity with cooperation and submissiveness, the extent to which people believe in these stereotypes varies by culture (Foels & Pappas, 2004). For instance, preschoolers in France and Lebanon are more likely to believe there is a gendered difference in capacity for leadership and power than are preschoolers in Norway (Charafeddine et al., 2020). One reason might be Norway’s strong policies to promote gender equality across a range of occupations and in educational programs in classrooms.

How do we transmit these beliefs about gender in our culture? Often, we do it through the behaviors and expectations of family members. But a second powerful source is the media and literature. For instance, toy commercials directed at young children differed in their endorsement of gender stereotypes, with Australian commercials showing more similarity between boys and girls and commercials in the United States showing more exaggerated differences (Browne, 1998). In the latter commercials, boys were more likely to display aggression, dominance, and leadership than girls were. Girls were more likely to be portrayed as cooperative and submissive. More recently, research has shown that picture books in early childhood education centers in both the United States and Australia tended to depict stereotyped and binary gender roles (Adam & Harper, 2021). Children’s books also show these gender stereotypes in the words chosen for describing characters (Lewis et al., 2022). This indicates that these gendered trends are pervasive across many cultures and children’s early experiences.

Infants and toddlers learn about their world by watching others and through exposure to the media. The way boys and girls are depicted in children’s media may inform toddlers about the gender expectations in their culture (Figure 4.4). Encouraging children from infancy onward to play with a wide range of toys and be more aware of the gender roles portrayed in their media and literature can be highly beneficial to their growing sense of identity and gender. It can also offer them a wider variety of choices for discovering themselves and the world around them.

Figure 4.4 Media exposure often presents toddlers with exaggerated gender stereotypes, such as the stereotype of (a) a girl as a beautiful princess and (b) a boy as a strong hero. (credit a: modification of work “The Forlorn Fairy” by Vanessa Kay/Wikimedia Commons, CC BY 3.0; credit b: modification of work “Lil Wolverine” by Eden, Janine and Jim/Flickr, CC BY 2.0)

Gender stereotypes and socialization provide infants with feedback and insight into their own gender identity (Fausto-Sterling, 2021). On average, by age two years, toddlers can identify the gender of their family members, and by age three years, they can label their own gender (Poulin-Dubois et al., 1998). Signs that a child may be gender diverse or gender nonconforming can appear in these early years if their biological sex and gender identity don’t match society’s expectations. One sign is infants responding negatively to their assigned gender’s toys, terms, and clothes and preferring to respond and conform to another gender (deMayo et al., 2022). However, some gender role experimentation is typical in young children whether they are gender conforming or gender diverse. Finally, because gender behaviors exist on a spectrum and genders have far more commonalities than differences, it’s generally recommended that adults let infants and toddlers explore a range of behaviors and toys (Halpern & Perry-Jenkins, 2016).